Saturday, July 17, 2010


Cyrus is a creepy flick, it's about John(John C. Reilly) who is a sadsack human being, his ex wife Jamie(Catherine Keener) is getting married to Tim(Matt Walsh), they invite him to a party where he meets Molly(Marisa Tomei). They begin to go out, but he soon meets her 21 year old, shut in of a son, Cyrus(Jonah Hill) who turns up the creepy factor. He attempts to break them up through lies and manipulation, even startign a fight with John. It's part coming of age story, part romantic comedy, but it's very funny.

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

So Disney's Fantasia is a trippy flick, and it features a great scene of Mickey Mouse using magic and bringing mops to life, and water flooding, based on a poem, 70 years later it's turned into a feature film, and a pretty fun family flick at that.

Balthazar(Nicholas Cage) was an apprentice to Merlin(James A. Stephens), along with Veronica(Monica Bellucci) and Maxim(Alfred Molina), Balthazar is boning Veronica and Maxim is jealous so he turns evil, and helps Morgan le Fay(Alice Krige) attempt to take over, Balthazar does battle with many to save the world, but Morgan goes into Veronica(gigidy) aso he traps them in a nesting doll, he does the same to Maxim aswell. Merlin dies but gives him a ring, a ring that will go to the chosen one who will stop Morgan forever. Then we meet a little kid named Dave(Jake Cherry), who likes to draw King Kong on the window of the school bus and likes this girl named Becky (Peyton R. List). He gives her one of those do you liek me notes, she checks an answer but the wind takes it away, and he chases after it, it goes to an old antique shop ran by Balthazar, once there the ring accepts Dave and he must take it to Mordo and destroy it, but seriously he lets out Maxim, and a wizard battle happens, but both get trapped in a vase, Dave meanwhile is made fun of for making up stories and "peeing" his pants. Flash forward 10 years later, he is a physics major in college played by the awesome Jay Baruchel, re meets Becky(Teresa Palmer) and is chased by a recently released Maxim(the cover girl sucked though for the recently released issue), and saved by Balthazar. Dave becomes his apprentice and must learn the ways of the force. It features the mop scene, and has some pretty decent cgi in some pretty cool scenes. Cage is having fun in it and Toby Kebbell, who plays Maxim's right hand man, is the best part. Not a great film by any standards, but it was actually pretty fun.


So we all love Predator, it's a awesome sci fi/horror/action flick, Arnold, Carl Weather, Jesse the Body, and Shane "i wrote & directed Kiss Kiss Bang Nag" Black along with others, go to the jungle to rescue hostages but wind up doing battle with an alien, no not ALIEN, that's his enemy as seen in the kick ass sequel where Danny Glover is too old for this shit and on the Predators ass, along with Gary Busey. There was a kick ass comic book & video game called ALIEN vs Predator, along with two piece of shit films, but we're here to talk about this summers Predators!

Royce(Adrian Brody), Isabelle(Alice Braga), Edwin(Topher Grace), Nikolai(Oleg Taktarov), Stan(Walton Goggins), Hanzo(Louis Ozawa Changchien ), Mombasa(Mahershalalhashbaz Ali)& Cuchillo(Mr. Badass Danny Trejo) all fall from the sky, and are at odds, they soon learn they're on an island full of others & must push a button every 108 minutes, i mean they find out they're on a different planet. The do battle with the Predator and meet up with Ronald(Larry Fishburne) who seems helpful, but talks to himslef and tries to smother everyone with smoke in his hideout. From that point people start getting killed off left and right, there is no real build up and the kills don't mean anything. Brody is pretty good in the flick, but he has soem contrived lines, how did he know it was a hunting reserve so quick? How did he know Isabelle had seen the Predator before, and why, why did they try to team him up with a Predator? I also enjoyed Grace, but but his heel turn(for those wrestling fans out there)seemed forced, but he played it well. I enjoyed the film but it wasn't anything i'll rush out to buy, in fact it may be years before i even see it again. Also that kick ass shot of multiple predators aiming Royce, was in the trailers only, in the film, it's one sole predator aiming at him.

Sunday, July 11, 2010


So as many of you know, i love the Room, i did an article on bad movies, i enjoy bad movies, but there are multiple layers of bad movies. Birdemic resembles a Sy Fy original movie, but worse, with Sy Fy you get what you paid for, well you get what you knew you getting since you didn't pay, well technically you do pay for cable, unless it's illegal, moving Fy has had some pieces of shit, real pieces of shit, but SyFy is in a category of it's own, much like Asylum, and i hate Asylum. Alot of the films on SyFy are about killer animals, but not all killer animal flicks are bad, look at classics like The Birds or Jaws, or even the Jaws riff, Piranha, hell Piranha 2 even gave us James Cameron, but alas there are bound to be some stinkers, i'm not a fan of the Anaconda series but to me those aren't so bad they're good, they're just bad. THen there is Motha Fucking Snakes on a motha Fuckin Plane, which alot claim to be so bad it's good, and while it's certainly not a masterpiece, i enjoy the film, and not because it's bad, i just enjoy it, hell i even decorate my halloween scarecrow skeleton with snakes and even added an "enough is enough" banner one year. Then there are bad movie classics like Plan 9 From Outter Space, Troll 2 & my favorite, the Room, but you can tell with the directors that they were passionate about them, same goes for James Nguyen, whiel he may not be an Ed Wood or a Tommy Wiseau, he truly loves film, especially Hitchcock, so he did a tribute, a shitty tribute, a shitty tribute that film geeks have been treking to at midnight, and yes it is a piece of shit, and yes it's a ton of fun.

It's about Rod(Alan Bagh) who drives around alot, and is creepy in his attempts to get women, especially Nathalie(Whitney Moore), who he knew in high school but was too shy to ask out. They fall in love, go to dinner, dance(lol great scene), meet the mom, and see an Inconvenient Truth, so they decide to fuck one night, but instead of knocking boots at their own places they got to a hotel, and the shit gets real. Birds invade! They stay in one spot, flapping their wings, luckily they can't break glass if a window is protected by a bed, our heroes leave, and meet up with Tony & Susan(Colton Osborne & Janae Caster) who own an SUV and guns, guns with near infinite ammunition, they even stand back to back to back to back attackign the birds with hangers but when they're right in front of them they don't even hit, the cgi was added so bad. Together they save lil kids, go shopping Dawn of the Dead style, and attempt to rescue folks on a double decker bus, and this my friends is where the birds become bad, if they hadn't been already, victims stand there and just take it, one is shot and explodes green slime, when birds are shot, the people shoot first, then the birds are hit, seconds later, as if by a different bullet, or they just drop with no gun sounds. We then learn by a tree huger who fears mountain lions that the birds only attack those burning oil and in cars and other global warming...warnings, so i guess i'd survive, go carless folks! The birds then fly away at the end, sometimes flapping, other times gliding, but always in the same spot. The cuts are horrible, the dialogue is pure shit, and the direction & sound is beyond horrible, but it's definitely fun to watch. Would i own a copy? I own Plan 9, i love the flick ,i own Troll 2, i lvoe the flick, i own the Room(i won it), and ubber love it, but Birdemic idk if i could buy, maybe if i had people over intoxicated it'd be nice, but to me, this is a film to see at midnight, my crowd went nuts, people were high fiving, cheering, clapping and jumping up & down at the "chaos" on the screen. I may check it out again while in San Diego!

The Girl With THe Dragon Tattoo

I finally got around to seeing this film this past weekend, Swedish films are amazing right now, and this one doesn't disappoint. It's about a journalist Mikael(Michael Nyqvist)who is sentenced for time in jail, but before he serves attempts to figure out a murder mystery. His computer had been hacked by a girl with a dragon tattoo, Lisbeth(Noomi Rapace), who has been fucked over most of her life by men, including a rape scene, which leads to brilliant reverse rape scene for revenge! The two then team up to solve the case, which ultimately leads to the killer being burned to death, something she had witnessed before, as she had set fire to a man earlier as a child. The films pacing could've been alot better but all in all it was a great film.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Solitary Man

Solitary Man is the story of Ben(Michael Douglas) who was once on top of the car dealer game, and was on the cover of Forbes, he received bad news from the doctors but doesn't wish to find out what it is. He takes his girlfriend Jordan's(Mary Louise Parker) daughter Allyson(Imogen Poots) to her college interview. There he meets Cheston(Jesse Eisenberg) who he tried to break out of his shell to meet girls, and later on, slleps wih Allyson herself. Allyson tells her mom about the affair and Ben's life goes on a wild ride from there. His daughter Susan(Jenna Fischer) gets fed up with his deadbeatness toward her son so she cuts him off. He moves to the college town and works for his old pal Jimmy(Danny Devito). He receives threats & beatings, from employees of Allyson's father, his ex wife SLUT, Janet Veiss..Weiss...SLut, i mean Nancy(Susan Sarandon) meets up with him on campus and asks if e would like a ride home or if he wants to stay, a young chick passes by, he looks at her, looks at Nancy, then stands up...fade to black. This may be the lil indie film that could this year, i loved it, everyone was great in it, and it was cool to see a coming of age story about an older man.

Youth In Revolt

I finally got around to seeing Youth In Revolt last week on dvd, i had hoped to catch it in theatres but never got around to it, i wish i had, cause i really liked it.

It tells the story of Nick Twisp(Michael Cera), a 16 year old who jerks off alot, loves Sinatra, and is fond of Fellini films, his mom(Jean Smart) is dating an obnoxious oaf, Jerry(Zach Galifinakis) after selling a bad car to some navy folk, they bail town and go stay at a trailer few towns over. There Nick meets Nora...fuck, wrong Michael Cera movie, sorry he meets Sheeni(Portia Doubleday), who shares his same passions, the two fall in love quickly but Nick must go back home, so he deecides to get kicked out of his moms house to move in with his dad(Steve Buscemi) who Nick & SHeeni scam into gettign a job. In order to get kicked out Nick decides to do bad things, such as stealing cars, tagging stuff and disobeying rules. He succeeds but once back, Sheeni is gone, her parents found out about him stealign a car & it crashing into a building and exploding, so they sent her to boarding school. SO Nick & his new friend Vijay(Adhir Kalyan) decide to pay her a visit. Nic kalmost pops his cherry but the school staff finds out about the two males and act fast. Nick then plans on getting her kicked out, so he sends sleeping pills to an easily manipulated classmate of Sheeni's to drop into her drinks. She is dismissed from school and just when everything looks to be on the up & up, Sheeni's ex boyfriend, Trent(Jonathan Bradford Wright), shows up and reveals what Nick had done, after some runaways, crossdressing, and sex, Nick is finally caught, and goes to jail, but he gets the girl! It also features hilarious performances from Ray Liota, Fred Willard & Justin Long, aswell as damn fine animated sequences. I've read fans of the book hated it, but i'll have to read the book & make up my own mind.

The Human Centipede

So a few weeks back i got the opportunity to see the Human Centipede at midnight, i was pumped to see it, and it was a good showing, but the film itself, while well made, wasn't something to make me jizz over for weeks on end.

I loved the opening cold open, where Dr. Heiter(Dieter Laser) awaits for a trucker to pull over to drain the lizard, and pulls out a shotgun. We then meet Lindsay & Jenny(Ashley C. Williams & Ashlynn Yennie), who get a flat tire, and arrive at Heiter's home, he drugs their drinks and the next day the two, along with the trucker, are in hospital beds, not able to move their legs, Heiter explains his operation. He connects the three and forces them to fetch papers, and feeds one)all food). Two officers arrive questioning Heiter, and the centipede escapes. The trucker kills himself & Heiter gets the better of one of the cops, but he & the other finish each other off, featuring one of my favorite head shots in recent memory. It's not a very complex film, and easy to explain, and i did enjoy it, but it wasn't as great as i had hoped.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Film News Round Up 7-1-10 SPIDER MAN!
Nice, i'm a massive fan of The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, i think he can pull it off.Alot more charisma than Tobey, i still think they should've just done a fourth, but so far i like the screenwriters, director & cast(thus far). IT and Pet Cemetery
So both seem to be a go, i'm not big on Pet Cemetery so a remake doesn't bother me, the original IT was a mini series so i'm not against a theatrical version either, but i think i could get excited for a IT film honestly. Annie in Scream 4
I'm not too excited for Scream 4, i'll see it but i'm not gonna jizz over it, but i will jizz over Alison Brie, i dig her show Community plus her sex tales are awesome! The other new cast members aren't bad either, as i like Shelton in Planet Terror & Sin City, and Knudsen i liked in Youth in Revolt(review coming soon) and he's in Scott Pilgrim, my most anticipated film of the year.

I'm not one for remakes, but in my opinion, that looks pretty damn good, i like both the kids in the lead roles too, will it be as good as the original, probably not, will it be as entertaining, probably not, will i see it yes i will.